The Blogs, the Vlogs, and the Rog Pogs.

It was at about this time that I reached my New Year's epiphany.

I guess this wouldn’t be a true blue blog without a “Year in Review” post.

I was debating with myself whether to do the Year in Review vlog, or blog post. One would definitely be funnier than the other…well, considering. I decided to stick to the blog, because if I started to make a video about the past year, I may start to get all emotional with  it, and I made a vow to myself to not embarass myself with the emotional videos about high school nonsense.

I am all about order amongst personal chaos, and there would be no logical way to type this blog without separating it into categories (unless I wanted to just vomit words on a page and hope for the best), so I can’t think of any better way to start this Review with Family.

I think it was the very beginning of 2008 when I started to feel antsy about leaving the house for college. I started to grow some balls (which isn’t necessarily a good thing, IMHO) and talk back to my parents. Challenge their authority. Needless to say, I hit my teen angst phase a bit late into my teens. It’s funny, because one thing I’ve always told myself is that I wouldn’t become like my father, but looking back on this year, I’ve done a lot of stupid things that my father did in High School. I guess that’s one thing you just can’t avoid, no matter how much you want to fight it.

High School

My Failed Run for the Presidency

2008 was a crazy year for my high school career. The biggest personal event for me was my run for Senior Class President. Yeah, sure, I lost, but I got a lot more votes than I thought I would get. And it was those people who voted for me that I would want to represent as their president, not the mindless drones who voted popularity and false promises into office. Also, it was a lot of fun to go for the whole Dark Night campaign.

Friends

I am relieved to say that I have made a lot of new friends this year (which is bittersweet because this may be the last year I ever get to spend time with them), and I’ve rekindled (and renewed) some old friendships as well. Saying this, I, unfortunately, have grown apart from a few close friends. And one of my best friends I will never look at in the same way again. It just put in perspective for me who I should trust, and who I should let trust me, because I, unfortunately, will admit to being a very untrustworthy friend last year. I really am sorry to all of those whom I’ve hurt. I like to put up this front of everything being okay, but when I see those friends, I am filled with such guilt and personal anger. One resolution I made for this new year is to be more trusting AND trustworthy of my friends. If I don’t change, I’m afraid I’ll lose everyone. I’ve already lost the most important ones.

Love

This is a really tough subject for me, but I’m not going to censor myself (another resolution: be more blunt, because if I stay silent, no one will ever know how I’m truly feeling). I lost one amazing friend over this, and my relationship with another friend just won’t be the same for me ever again. My one regret is that we have never, and possibly will never have a man-to-man, one on one talk, to possibly resolve things (this is me trying to reach out to you, because I just can’t in person). I will sound incredibly insane for the next few minutes, but bear with me. This year, I thought I found the girl that I could spend the rest of my life with. It wasn’t our similarities which I liked, but how amazingly different we were. These differences brought on debates I will remember for the rest of my life. But I did something I will regret for the rest of my life: I got scared. I got scared, and I left her. I would always go back to her, but, in the end, I got this fear back. This fear that I would end up like my parents and be in such an acidic relationship where we just keep hurting one another, but we can’t live without each other. It took me four times to realize why I was running away, and what I was running away from. Letting all these idiotic distractions from my past get in the way. I realized this too late. And now she’s gone for good. I can never go back.

This left me in such a funk that I didn’t care who I would hurt, who I was talking to, I just kept going for any girl who would give me a minute, so I could just feel that I’m not this completely unattractive loser with nothing to offer anyone. It was a horrible thing to do, but I just didn’t care. I was so deeply hurt by everything that had happened.

But now, right before the new year rung, I think I might be okay. Still nursing these wounds (which get salt thrown on them every now and then), but now I may have found someone I could be happy with, just so long as I don’t screw it up. Like I always seem to do.

Now, because I wrote so much on that topic, doesn’t mean it’s at the forefront of my mind.

Personal Tragedy

Baby Weston

It’s been over three months, and I still don’t know what to say when this topic comes up. Last year saw the passing of my former drama teacher’s baby boy. Last month we all saw him for the first time in two years at a tree dedication ceremony for Weston. We brought up so many good memories, and kept the mood bright, which is what little Weston probably would have wanted. It was bittersweet, because while we were mourning this loss, the event brought some closure for me. Very symbolic to me, seeing how it took place toward the end of the year.

That was a LOT more lengthy than I thought it would be. I apologize folks.

I guess there isn’t anymore to say, other than…

Here’s to 2009. Hopefully this year will bring more laughter than tears, more joy than fears, more light than dark, and new journeys on which to embark. (I didn’t mean for that to all rhyme, but after the first couplet I decided…what the heck)