The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows
You never know. You never expect You never know what you have until you have completely and utterly lost it. Forever. Like, when you know, you will never ever get it back. Though when you find out, and you cared and loved that thing enough, you shut down. First, it’s that chill. That chill that seemingly encompasses your body. Then, depending on your sensitivity, your eyes go from either slightly teary to bawling. After that sensation kicks in, that’s when your stomach starts to churn. It almost does a flip, then a loop-the-loop, and after that it just sits. When it sits, you get that “sick to the pit of your stomach” feeling.
Then it’s hopelessness. Knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, you can do nothing. Nothing at all. Not one damned dang thing. It is after this that the cold sweats start to form. These linger for God knows how long.
I would never, ever wish this pain upon any other human being upon the face of this earth. Not my best of friends, not my greatest of enemies. It is emotional torture, the worst kind. The kind where all you can do is walk away from it. Fake a smile and a conversation, and go on your way.
The Nasty and Critical Will Lead Lonely Lives
I typed "Constructive Criticism" into photobucket and this is what came up.
There is such a thing as “constructive criticism” in the world, as well as “putting down”. A dear “friend” of mine recently made fun of a blog post I put up, saying I was being overdramatic and such. I went to edit the blog post when I realized that I shouldn’t be controlled by such negitivity. I read the post and didn’t find a single thing wrong with it; it was something I wrote in the style that I would write it in. To change it would prove that this person had some kind of control over me, and that I had no mind of my own. I don’t care what you think. I type what I want to type because it is what little freedom I have as an American teenaged boy, my freedom of speech and creativity. If you take that away from me, what am I? I’m a product of society, disappearing into the masses of people who do everything they are told, even if they know for a fact that it is wrong. That isn’t me, and people who know me know that. I’m too stubborn for that.
Signs.
I was right in the middle of typing a new blog (on constructive criticism, which I’ll post later) and I got one of the largest reality checks in my life.
My dad comes in with two of his work buddies. One of them, Louie, have been here before. The other guy I’ve never met. My dad does what he naturally does with new guests, he shows off his pictures with famous actors and things. Louie sits on the couch across from me. He sits and talks to me, and we get on the subject of studious people.
He says he wasn’t studious when he was a kid, and he even made fun of kids who did their school work. I think he implied that he dropped out of school, or didn’t go on to college. Then he goes on and tells me how he respects people…like me (this is about where I got kicked in the head). He defends people who do their school work. He says people like me don’t know how well we have it. We get to learn, go to college, and have the opportunity to go on to bigger and better things. I say, in passing, that sometimes this school thing just isn’t for me. Then he says the one phrase that gets to me, and gets to me deep. He says, “Look at it this way. Look how the cool guys, like me, and him, who have to work their asses off just for minimum wage.” It was like a punch to the gut.
What the Hell am I doing with my life? Soon after he says this, they all leave the house, and I start to reflect on what he said, and start tearing up. He was right. I don’t know how good I have it, and what opportunities I am blowing for myself. I hope this lasts long, because now, I am going to do something that I haven’t done, officially, for almost 7 years. I’m going to go do homework, and study. How long will this last.
Thanks, Lou. You’ll probably never know how that conversation hit me.
The Spawning of Blogging
It's "Pay It Forward" gone wrong...horribly wrong.
I have made a realization. The reason why Blogging has exploded recently is because of the way it is spread. Person starts blog, friends see blog, friends see that it is easy to keep a blog, friends start blogs, repeat. I can see why the internet “veterans” are annoyed by this. It kind of annoys me, and I am in no way a “professional” Blogger, nor do I think I am any good at Blogging.
On the flip side, who am I to talk, seeing how I got the idea in kind of the same way. What annoys me are inconsistant blogs (people who make one post every other month or so) which are the result of the phenomenon which I will now refer to as Blog Spawning.
“Gee, I Can’t WAIT Until I Go To Hikes School!”
So today was the first day of school…and tomorrow is going to be our first day off. Hurricane Fay is coming. They knew that. Everyone knew that. Our governor put us in a State of Emergency for crying out loud. But instead of pushing the start of school back 3-4 days, they decide to start it, then stop it for the hurricane on Tuesday. We may even get off on Wednesday. By this point in time, students forget the flow of class, where they sit, etc, etc. I know this was done to save lost time, but the first day of school (to me anyway) is meant to spring us ready for the rest of the year. This is a reason why the first day of school was changed from a Thursday (or Friday, I forget).
Anyway, that’s my gripe of the day. My first day of Senior year went very smoothly. All of my teachers seem to be great (except my Beg. Weight Training teacher, who seems to think that he speaks ever so clearly so nobody has to ever ask questions, who thinks just randomly leaving his class alone for the last 20 minutes of class is A-OK, and who seems to think 20+20+20=80). My first three classes of the day (AP Calc, AP Lit, and AP US History) will definitely be the tough classes. I’m glad I get to kind of cool my brain down for the second half of the day (Drama IV, Beg. Weight Training, and Psych).
One more thing: the uniforms. I was just so giddy on the inside, seeing everyone complain and complain and comPLAIN about them. Even people who I wouldn’t have expected to complain, complained (I’m looking at you, friendo). I won’t be a hypocrite, I’m not exactly loving this uniform thing either, but I found my way around it to make it work (I wore a nice dress shirt and jeans today, which I say is no uniform). Coming from 3 years of hard time at a Catholic school, I had to wear an actual uniform (Red Polo and Navy Blue twill shorts. No jeans, no different colors, no freedom), and seeing people complain about THIS “uniform” is actually quite entertaining (Teacher to kid: “You have to tuck in your shirt.” Kid: “WHAT THE F***, I CAN’T F***IN BELIEVE DIS S***. |tucks in shirt| This uniform S*** is BULLS***, man….”).
I can already see that this is going to be one interesting year.
Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life) [Freshman Year]
This is me graduating 8th grade, right before freshman year.
I was struck with an idea by an acquaintance of mine on Myspace. She is reminiscing on her previous years in high school, so I decided, once every quarter I have left in this school year, I will blog about a year in high school, ending with 12th grade on graduation day. I am going to try my hardest, because I think I blocked most of my freshman year out of my memory because it was just an all around horrible year for me.
I got my first and last detentions this year. The first one was for cussing in class, because one of my closest friends at the time (which, I look back now, was pretty sad, haha) Darko Stamenic was buggin me. Gosh, I remember exactly how that happened too. I think it’s because it was semi-traumatizing for me, because one of my favorite teachers gave it to me. As soon as I said it, he turns to me, points me right out (literally, looks straight at me and points) and says “That’s a detention.” I felt my face get hot, and if my skin was lighter, I would have probably been as red as an apple. My second and final detention, which to this day seems ridiculous to me, was officially for “horseplay” when in all reality my foot got caught in my seat at the lunch table and I fell. I was so mad but back then I didn’t quite have my voice yet so I didn’t dispute it with the deans.
I say I didn’t quite have my voice because elementary and middle school was a tough time for me. In elementary school I only had one true friend, and I barely talked much to anybody else. I was the A student which nobody talked to and everybody liked to pick on (ex: The cool kids once told me that I’d be cool if I climbed into the trash can, a moment in my life I completely blocked out until I saw them again in high school and they reminded me of it). Middle school I was trying to make a new name for myself (because I went to a private school, where nobody knew me), trying to be “cool”. In the end, I got crappy grades, but I wasn’t picked on! At the same time, I was an outcast. I didn’t achieve this “cool” or “popular” status. I had few REAL friends, it just seemed like people had to tolerate me because we were stuck together (the 8th grade class was only 20 something kids). I don’t regret going to that school, though. It gave me the morals I live by today, taught me how to cuss (which becomes important later on), and I met the one person who would be responsible for turning my whole life around.
That whole, long, paragraph about my horrible elementary and middle school life was relevant. It leads up to the one moment where I will look back at my life and say, “That changed everything for me.” When I was in 5th grade, I was baptized and confirmed at the same time. My classmates from middle school were all getting confirmed at the same. I thought it was a big deal, but looking back, it wasn’t worth the trouble that I got into. This person from my middle school was one of my “friends”. They just talked to me because they had to, but I thought they were the closest thing I had to a good friend in high school. I was terribly led on. During the third quarter, I knew that my friends were getting confirmed soon, so I would ask this “friend” when they were getting confirmed. They kept saying that they didn’t know. Weeks went by and they still had no idea. One night, I was talking to one of my real friends from middle school, and I asked her if she knew when they were getting confirmed. She said they were already. I was fuming. I IMed the “friend” online and asked if they lied to me this whole time. They said “yep”. I think I say something about us ever really being friends or whatever, and I block them. I’m just steamed with anger at this point. Where do I go to vent? MySpace. First bad idea. I figured this “friend” didn’t have MySpace so they would never see what I would type. I click the Post a Bulletin button. Second bad idea. In this bulletin, I just go off. I am cussing, saying stuff like “You were never my friend,” and blah blah blah. I end it with a nice “**** YOU, JOHN DOE, **** YOU!!!!” and I post it. I felt satisfied and all vented out.
A few days go by, and I forgot about the bulletin. One night, I’m talking to someone who showed the “friend” the bulletin. They didn’t mean any harm by it, they just didn’t know I posted it on MySpace because of the fact that they would never see it. The next day, the police come to my Geometry class. I was scared out of my wits. They take me to talk with the Assistant Principal. They start saying things, like, “Obsession” and “Threatening” and “Dangerous”. I just started crying because I was so scared. I thought they were going to arrest me. I did not write that bulletin to threaten the person at all, but apparently the story was spun so that it looked that way. The police were saying things like “Expulsion” and “Jail” if I ever talked to them again or came up to them. I just nodded my head. I couldn’t say anything. I go home that day, and my parents are just furious at me. The mother of the “friend” had made God knows how many copies of that infernal bulletin and gave one to my mom at work. There could have been better ways to settle this whole situation without bothering my mom personally at work, or going to the authorities. Mind you, this is a family we knew personally, because of Catholic school. After they yelled at me and gave me a stern talking to, my mom went out to smoke and I went out with her. And she was saying how this situation could have been handled better on my “friend’s” side. I know what I did was completely wrong, but I was just so relieved at that point to hear that my mom was on my side just a little bit.
My point is, this situation scared me stiff. So much so that I definitely learned my lesson. I’m happy it happened towards the end of the year, because it gave me time to think about everything. I believe I grew up so fast in such a short amount of time, and I have to thank that situation for doing so. If that never happened to me, I don’t think my life would have turned out as well as it has now.
That pretty much wraps it up for my freshman year. See you in a few months from now!
(Oh, one last thing I learned in freshman year, don’t ask for a fight if you can’t [or won't] give it, especially when the guy will actually hit ya! I got my first punch in the face that year, by a guy who could have apparently killed me because he was in a “gang”. That’s my Italian-ness in me, never back down from an idiot who is angry because he can’t do extra Geometry problems because I helped the sub find the books. Hope you’re havin’ a nice life, John! Can’t wait until you get to park my car for me when I go out to eat!)
Sensationalism
Sensationalism in the media...
Sensationalism in the world.
There is one thing any intelligent person can say: people really love to exaggerate. Why do they do this? Well everyone knows why it’s done in the media: ratings. When one channel is reporting a fire, and the other channel is reporting a blaze happpening near schools and nursing homes (which are, in fact, 50 miles away), which channel do you tune in to? Sadly, because we live in the days of “infotainment”, we would tune into the “blaze” channel.
Nowadays, you can’t turn anywhere without someone heavily exaggerating a story. Today, on Digg.com, a website which serves as a kind of platform where you can post up news stories, funny pictures, inspirational videos, and various other things and have them kind of voted on (or dugg). When a story is highly dugg, they make it to the daily top 10 stories. The story I have linked in the picture above threw me over the edge, and has now made it to the top articles of the day. This person linked to a video on youtube, saying “Martial Law in the USA! It has started! Can you believe it?”. For people who may not know, martial law is defined as “the system of rules that takes effect when the military takes control of the normal administration of justice”. The town described in the linked video is not, in fact, under Martial Law. The mayor of the town implemented a strict curfew due to the high rate of crime in the area. I have my own opinions on how this mayor runs his town, but that isn’t the point of this post.
My point is that there are people out there who buy into sensationalism so much that they actually believe that the world is coming to an end, or that someone is secretly taking over the world. For these people: don’t you think we have the means to take over the planet as it is, without all of this cloak and dagger nonsense that you think is going on? We have the means to DESTROY the planet if we wanted to, but the fact of the matter is that it hasn’t happened. If it hasn’t happened yet, chances are it won’t happen, and if it was going to happen, we would definitely know about it.
I am just so sick and tired of these people. I’ve reached the point where I’d rather watch sensationalist news than get on the internet, exposed to these insane people who think the moon landing was a hoax, George W. Bush is some evil genius mastermind behind world domination (are you KIDDING me?), or 9/11 was staged by us. Again, we have nukes and politicians, we don’t need this whole elaborate plan which involves a whole web of lies or Freemasons or the all seeing eye…just to dominate the world. All they are doing is talking crap, scaring the innocent, confusing the misinformed, and pissing off the rest. If they want to be surrounded by this nonsense, there are proper forums, websites, and park benches where they can converse amongst themselves, without bothering people who actually have real and solid problems to worry about, like their family, or the economy, or which president will get us out of a 9 Trillion dollar debt, not which president will stop the NWO from happening.
“Who’s the cat that won’t cop out when there’s danger all about?”
August 20, 1942 – August 10, 2008
Wow, two prominent Black celebrities in two consecutive days. This is just too much. Isaac Hayes was known for his song career (especially for doing the theme for Shaft) and for providing the voice for the character Chef on South Park (which he left due to their episode which made fun of Scientology, his religion). He will definitely be missed, but this situation is an eerie one, if you are superstitious or something. You will know what I’m talking about once you see the picture below. RIP Mr. Hayes.
Hopefully Sam Jackson stays with us for a long time.
iDon’tPod….iZune.
My Zune....kind of.
I was reading an article (found HERE) and it made me realize why I love my Zune so much. If you ask a person nowadays what kind of mp3 player they have, nine times out of ten (well, seven out of ten according to this article) they will say that they have an iPod. It’s like a movie that just about everybody likes. It’s like The Dark Knight (one of my top movies, I must say). What seems to draw me in more, however, are cult classics (for example, the movie Animal House which, again, is one of my favorite movies). So an iPod is to The Dark Knight as a Zune is to Animal House. None of them are necessarily better, but I prefer my Zune because it’s a pleasant break from the mp3 mold. I like to be one of the three who can say “I don’t own an iPod” and be looked at with a deer-looking-at-headlights look.
Bernie Mac: 1957-2008
October 5, 1957 – August 9, 2008
Bernie Mac was one amazing actor and comedian. The movie that really showed me his talents was the remake of Ocean’s 11. Shortly after seeing this movie I watched some of his stand up and I was busting my sides with laughter. He made hilarious movies, such as Don’t Be A Menace To South Central While Drinking Your Juice In The Hood (a satire on several “gangsta/hood” movies where Mac plays a character named Officer Self Hatred), Head of State (a movie starring Chris Rock about America’s first Black president), and, my personal favorite, Mr. 3000 (a movie where Mac plays an arrogant and retired baseball player trying to go for a record 3,000 hits).
It’s a shame that we are losing such great performers such as Berne Mac or George Carlin. My prayers go out to Bernie Mac’s family.
